can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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