Well douche your snatch and let's go!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
