My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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