Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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