So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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