You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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