i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize