wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.