I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Terrible idea I love it