We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
