is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
