Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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