absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
