People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
