that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
