I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
