I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
