dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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