I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
