I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
