we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
