I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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