Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
