Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
