this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
