All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
