she woke up with a sticky ear
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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