I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
