and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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