Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
