i don't like sucking hair
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
