i already hear my dad disowning me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize