That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
