At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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