so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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