Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize