brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
