two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
