My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
