Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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