her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
