You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
