Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
