i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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