I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
love makes seman taste better
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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