I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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