I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes