Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.