Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?