Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.