In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
