don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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