Do you still have your period?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
