he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
