he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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