went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
