I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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