His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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