I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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