During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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