just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
