All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
