this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
