he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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