you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
