I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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