There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
