If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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