there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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