i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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